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Writing a blue streak...
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15th-Sep-2008 02:22 pm - 24 Puns

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi..

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker,
but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults:
Practice safe sects!

4th-Sep-2008 08:06 pm - Insomnia sucks. Biking does not.
i biked 22.5 miles with my friend Lisa today. Then we went to Free Wheel bike shop by the U and test drove some road bikes. The one I rode retailed for $2500. It was the bomb. Except it had zero suspension and I felt every bump. But it was one of those that you practically bend all the way over and touch your toes to ride (not really). And it weighed practically nothing. Carbon frame. I could have carried it over my head up the stairs at the GG bridge last weekend. I wish I could just drive a new bike every day.

Now i'm tired. Tony's washing dinner dishes and I am thinking about going to sleep. This has been approx. a solid week with wicked insomnia. I'm getting SOME sleep every night. I fall asleep, but sometimes it feels like i just THINK i'm sleeping and then wake up 1-2 hours later and I can't fall back to sleep for hours. And regardless, I'm up by 7. It sucks.

I realize I haven't blogged (beyond the photos) about my trip to visit Kris in CA. Soon. Before I forget.
26th-Aug-2008 11:39 am - Cat's are silly people
 So I'm vacuuming. And the cats just sit in their respective places not minding at all. I can get up to a foot of them and they just stay put and watch. But any closer and they move, let me vacuum there, and the go back and sit. I got to the stairs and Callie sat right next to each stair I vacuumed and watched. Even stayed on the same step until I got a little too close then she'd move up a step. Weird felines. Aren't they supposed to be afraid of loud noises? Next they'll be wanting to take a bath!
14th-Aug-2008 06:49 am - Almost done...

It's my second to last day at Lawson. This is what I love about contracting: get in, do some work (usually a project but in this case a whole mess of editing and training material development), get a hefty paycheck (or many), and six months later, leave. No baggage. No tears. Hopefully, no stupid cake. LOL (funny how employers like to give you cake when you leave... not when you start mind you... but when you leave... weird). I'm confident hoping that sometime in the next month or so (ok 2 wks would be nice) I'll have another gig to hate love. Got a few irons in the fire -- thought I had a sure thing but of course it fell through -- and hoping for a not-too-terrible commute and of course big money (ha!). 

During my hiatus I plan to do the following:

Hang with Lily
Fly to CA to visit my boy man-child
not work
sleep late
eat healthy
pull some weeds
clean out my closet 

(ok these last two smell a lot like work so I may forgo those)

I'll keep ya posted...

7th-Aug-2008 10:24 am - I heart my new bike
 I never thought I'd be in love with a bicycle. It'll pass soon, I'm sure. I've been biking 3 or more times/wk this summer -- not long rides, but about 10 miles per. and in Burnsville there's soooo many hills. Big hills. And I MUST conquer the hills! My old (2 yr old) hybrid was not doing hills so good. And frankly, I thought I was just going to trail ride with it. But I rode the old girl to Penn Cycle after work yesterday with the intention of getting a computer and new pedals installed and ended up test driving a few bikes. Bought me a new one that does hills much better. What I really wanted was a road bike but there's no suspension on those (ya hafta buy those padded bike pants) and they start at $1K for a nice one. That'll be my next bike :). I took a little 3 miler on it this morning.

I heart my new bike.
11th-Jul-2008 07:57 am - Planning a vacation with my spouse

I'm married to a guy who rarely disagrees with me. Don't get excited, girls, it's not that he doesn't truly disagree, just that he doesn't actively let me know he disagrees, so I often walk around believing we agree when in fact, we don't.

Lately, the thing we can't agree on is where to go on our next vacation, hence we haven't taken a vacation* for over a year. I've since realized this is my fault: that had I really wanted to take a vacation, we'd be vacationing or talking about the vacation we just took or planning the vacation we will soon take. Alas, I have sunk to passivity on this issue. Let me explain though, in general, I much prefer staying home because, well, vacation is a lot of work. That, and I, personally, seem to be lacking in vacation sense: i.e., where to go and what to do.

Tony is a very good vacationer. He knows where to go, he's an experienced traveler. He skiis, he snowboards, he dives, he snorkels, he surfs, he swims with the fishes, he flies in helicoptors, he sails the seas, he absorbs the history.  He's even forced me to do a few of these activities that, left to my own devices, I'd as soon skip. Cuz I'm scared. Of getting lost, of drowning, of throwing up, of falling out of the sky, of getting stung by passive, gentle stingrays. Together we've been to New Orleans, San Francisco, San Jose, New York, a carribean cruise (Barbados, Antiqua, St Thomas), the island of St Croix, Kauai, HI, all over western North Carolina, to name a few. While he's out scuba diving, I'm at the spa. But I have been in a helicopter, on a sailboat, snorkeling and even white water rafting (tho the latter was pre-Tony).

I would like to go to Europe. Specifically, I would like to take a guided tour in Europe (because left to my own devices I would spend the whole time eating and going to the spa). I want to go to Italy, Greece, Spain, Switzerland, Austria, Norway, London, France, Prague (not in any particular order), you get the idea. I don't really much care where. I want to see some Europe where our ancestry suffered and endured. I want to see historic sites, I want to drink in the romance, I want to do like tourists do. Tony, not so much. Tony has been to Europe twice already and while there's probably a few places he'd still like to see, it's evident that something about it does not excite him. I know this not because he's come out and said "No, I don't want to go to Europe", I know this because he won't get with the program and plan our European vacation. Could be the 20 hour flight, could be the value of the US dollar. Whatever it is, he's not that excited about it. See, I could just plan it and we would go, but I'll choose something dumb and we won't have as much fun cuz what the hell do I know. 

So watch this: This week I announced that since we can't agree on where or when to take our next vacation, we should take turns planning our vacations. The designated planner gets to decide everything (taking into account what s/he knows the other just can't tolerate. For me it's humidity and biting bugs) and the other has to go along with it. Who wants to go first? Well, evidently not Tony. So fine, it's my turn. I'm deciding. Although Tony obviously doesn't want this responsibility, he doesn't relish the idea of it being my turn.  Frankly, neither do I because I suck at planning vacations, but what can I do? Something has to be done or we'll never get outta town. 

While I really want to go to Europe, long travel times make me crabby and we can't have two crabby people... and with Tony's current available vacation time we apparently only have one week to work with. Hm. Well, I announce, let's go to Hawaii then. This perks Tony up and he's surprised and happy that I chose Hawaii (why he didn't just say "let's go to Hawaii" and plan it is beyond me). So I begin deciding on which island and he's got some strong opinions about that, so I let him choose which island. Maui. Ok. But, he says, Hawaii vacations are for winter. OK, let's go this winter. In fact, let's ask our friends Paul and Irene to join us. Oh, wait, they can't go in December. Perhaps January. Wait, lets go in February for our anniversary (we got married in HI). Like this is a novel idea: we've been saying lets go back to HI in Feb since we got married there. Heavy sigh. So it's July. We haven't had a vacation since NC a year ago April and now we've decided on a vacation to take seven months from now. Heavier sigh. 

We might go to Phoenix for a few days in September though. And since I had my turn choosing Hawaii, Tony's checking into that.

*Ok, we did go to Craigun's in Brainerd for a few days right after xmas with Kasie and Lily but that hardly counts as a real vacation. oh, and I just remembered we took a road trip to New Ulm this Spring. But that hardly counts either.

3rd-Jul-2008 02:48 pm - How to handle office conflict

How to handle office conflict

2nd-Jul-2008 10:32 am - Tattoo

I saw a young man at the gym yesterday with a tattoo on his left deltoid. It was fancy and ornate and it said: "Ma"


30th-Jun-2008 02:12 pm - ...still scratching my head...

overheard on the elevator today. One guy says to the other: "You said she wasn't the brightest bulb in the universe and I said I didn't think she was a bulb."

18th-Jun-2008 07:17 am - In Stitches
I got news that Monday night Lily was running barefoot over Paul's old and decrepit deck. She got a sliver the size of a tree trunk in her foot and had to go to ER to have it CUT out. She now has 5 stiches. Naturally, I gave Paul the 'whatfor' and told him to fix his freakin' deck now that our girl almost lost a foot (ok, mellow drama). But anyway, I'm bummed cuz we just got a tandem bike (she calls it "the two-person bike) to go biking with Lil --she's not too into riding solo-- and now we can't go riding until the darn thing heals. BLAST it all.

When I asked Lily if her stitches hurt when she got 'em and she said: "No, Nana, stitches don't hurt! You should get some."

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